Family Guy - Stewie Quotes

If you are an ardent follower of the famous TV show Family Guy, Stewie quotes are a must read. Blasphemous, yet funny. Read on.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Oh I feel so delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Janet: Hi. Cookie?
Stewie: Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." "Snake Griffin."

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: [Picking up the phone.] Hello, operator. Hello... Oh god, that's right you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. Uhhh, I should know this. Oh yes,
[dialing number]
Stewie: 867-5309, yes that's it. Wait that's not it, damn you Tommy Two-Tone. Huh, only one thing to do 111-1111, Lois? Damn. 111-1112 Lois? DAMN. 111-1113...

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, fight to the death.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Hmm, time for dessert. Let's see - big chocolate cake for Stewie,
[holds up a leaf to Chris]
Stewie: and something very tasty for big, fat you.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Come any closer and I'll cut her.
[realizes he's holding a tongue depresser]
Stewie: I'll give her a series of splinters... that could become infected.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: [hitting on some co-eds] I must say, the most recent campus sporting event was quite spectacular.
Co-ed: Aw. Are you in a fraternity, little boy?
Stewie: Not yet, but I'm thinking of joining I Felta Thigh.

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes
Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3