Family Guy Quote

Do not expect an ounce of wisdom in a Family Guy quote. What I have found is that each of these quotes has a fair share of stupidity and ribald humor. Then why are Family Guy quotes so popular? Read them to figure out.

• Stewie: Oh, look at me. Look, my finger is in a very naughty place.
  [Stewie's finger is in his nose]
  Brian: Kid, you're talking to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.
  
  
• [Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
  Glen Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.
  
  
• William Shatner: Now men, we are about to go on a very dangerous mission. It is highly likely that one of you will die. The crew that will go with me are Spock, McCoy and Ensign Ricky.
  Ensign Ricky: Aw crap.
  
  
• [Peter has plastic surgery]
  Brian: Hey, pal, you just can't walk in here, and, holy crap, it's Peter.
  
  
• Meg: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?
  Chris: Well, I've been working out all week.
  Meg: You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.
  Chris: Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.
  Meg: [freaked] I don't have a mustache... do I?
  
  
• [Peter has accidentally unleashed the 10 plagues]
  Peter: There has to be some explanation for this.
  Brian: You want an explanation?
  [slaps Peter]
  Brian: GOD
  [slaps Peter]
  Brian: IS
  [slaps Peter]
  Brian: PISSED.
  
  
• Chris: God's watching me do number two? Oh man, I'm a sinner. God's a pervert.
  
  
• Diane Simmons: Our top story tonight, I have been cast as the lead in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I.
  Tom Tucker: In other news, I won't be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy.
  Diane Simmons: This just in: Tom, you're such a closet case.
  Tom Tucker: We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?
  
  
• Judge: I find you guilty of arson, so you are free to go... straight to jail. HA. Now YOU got burned... No bail.
  
  
• Kevin: Dad, the fish got away.
  Joe Swanson: The hell it did. You get in there and you kick that fish's ass.
  
  
• Lois: I'm sorry that Stewie ruined your books. Here, I brought you some of Peter's.
  Brian: "Mr. T" by Mr. T. "T and Me" by George Poppard. "For The Last Time, I'm Not Mr. T" by Ving Rhames.
  [shudders]
  
  
• Peter: People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened.
  Brian: Yeah, but don't mention it around the Veteran's Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie.