Family Guy Quote

Don’t expect an ounce of wisdom in any Family Guy quote. What I have found is that each Family Guy quote has a fair share of stupidity, and ribald humor. Then why are Family Guy quotes so popular amongst quote lovers? Read each Family Guy quote to know the answer.

Family Guy Quote
Stewie: Oh, look at me. Look, my finger is in a very naughty place.
[Stewie's finger is in his nose]
Brian: Kid, you're talking to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.

Family Guy Quote
[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Glen Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

Family Guy Quote
William Shatner: Now men, we are about to go on a very dangerous mission. It is highly likely that one of you will die. The crew that will go with me are Spock, McCoy and Ensign Ricky.
Ensign Ricky: Aw crap.

Family Guy Quote
[Peter has plastic surgery]
Brian: Hey, pal, you just can't walk in here, and, holy crap, it's Peter.

Family Guy Quote
Meg: Wow, Chris, did you lose weight?
Chris: Well, I've been working out all week.
Meg: You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.
Chris: Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.
Meg: [freaked] I don't have a mustache... do I?

Family Guy Quote
[Peter has accidentally unleashed the 10 plagues]
Peter: There has to be some explanation for this.
Brian: You want an explanation?
[slaps Peter]
Brian: GOD
[slaps Peter]
Brian: IS
[slaps Peter]
Brian: PISSED.

Family Guy Quote
Chris: God's watching me do number two? Oh man, I'm a sinner. God's a pervert.

Family Guy Quote
Diane Simmons: Our top story tonight, I have been cast as the lead in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I.
Tom Tucker: In other news, I won't be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy.
Diane Simmons: This just in: Tom, you're such a closet case.
Tom Tucker: We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?

Family Guy Quote
Judge: I find you guilty of arson, so you are free to go... straight to jail. HA. Now YOU got burned... No bail.

Family Guy Quote
Kevin: Dad, the fish got away.
Joe Swanson: The hell it did. You get in there and you kick that fish's ass.

Family Guy Quote
Lois: I'm sorry that Stewie ruined your books. Here, I brought you some of Peter's.
Brian: "Mr. T" by Mr. T. "T and Me" by George Poppard. "For The Last Time, I'm Not Mr. T" by Ving Rhames.
[shudders]

Family Guy Quote
Peter: People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened.
Brian: Yeah, but don't mention it around the Veteran's Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie.

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3