Family Guy Quotes

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Family Guy Quotes
Cult Leader: Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?

Family Guy Quotes
[The Jetsons parody]
Jane: Oh my God. George.
George: [After being on the dog walker] Did you not hear me out there?
Elroy: Yeah, you...
George: Go to your room, Elroy.
Elroy: But...
George: GO TO YOUR ROOM. For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that because my damn watch is broken.
Jane: I'm sorry.
George: Oh 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jane is sorry', I could've been killed.

Family Guy Quotes
Bob Ross: All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there I will come to your house and I will cut you.

Family Guy Quotes
Guy on Street #2: It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?
Guy on Street #1: Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here?
Guy On Street #2: Depends if he stops to see his ho.
Guy on Street #1: That's what we call a "variable".

Family Guy Quotes
[looking at himself in a spoon]
Tom Tucker: I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later.

Family Guy Quotes
[An extremely obese Peter and Brian are sitting on the dock]
Boy: Daddy, what's that?
Father: Well son, that's Mercury, the closest planet to the sun. What it's doing down here on the wharf I haven't the foggiest, we should probably go ask a scientist.
Peter: I'm a man jackass.

Family Guy Quotes
Brian: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye.

Family Guy Quotes
[Brian and Chris try to sneak into a fair by wearing a horse suit]
Ticket Seller: Wait a minute... your ass just sneezed. And horses can't talk. No, no... nothing here adds up at all.

Family Guy Quotes
Peter: Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano.
Alyssa Milano: Of all the cheap shots... Joel.
Joel: I know, I know. I'm suing, I'm suing.

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3