Quotes from Family Guy - Lois and Peter

Funny, funny, really funny! Let me not reveal any more. Quotes from Family Guy – Lois and Peter portray the ridiculous relationship as a couple. Read more.


Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ...can't it be both?


Peter: You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat? A BOAT'S A BOAT, but the mystery box could be anything. IT COULD EVEN BE A BOAT. You know how much we wanted one of those.
Lois: Peter, that happened ten minutes ago.


Peter: Dad, now that you're retired, you're staying with us. No arguments, I'm putting my foot down.
Francis Griffin: I don't want to be a bother.
Peter: It's no bother, is it Lois?
Lois: Of course not, we'd love to have you stay.
Francis Griffin: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the un-baptized babies.
Peter: You hear that Lois? You love kids.


Peter: Lois, I can't find my favorite pair of underwear.
Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
Peter: No, I'm looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend God so I let it rip in the vestibule after service?
Lois: Top drawer.


Peter: I want the father-son relationship that the Gumbles have.
Lois: The Gumbles are brothers.


Peter: Look at this, Lois... see right here [points in book], I was voted most likely to succeed!
Lois: Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook, it's a People magazine.
Peter: Oh, I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name.


Lois: Peter, Stewie peed on the carpet again.
Peter: Do... do I hit 'im?


Peter: At least they don't put their feminine ointments next to the mustard. Lois. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate.

Also read other Family Guy quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3