Funny Family Guy Quotes

Read some boorishly funny Family Guy quotes on this site. These funny Family Guy quotes promise to give you a healthy dose of laughter to make your day.

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Brian: You got anything on that remote lower than Mute?

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Peter: See? They covered the house in Teflon so that nothing sticks to it.
[the family slips and falls to the floor]
Peter: Oh, I probably shouldn't have had them cover the floors in it.
[Stewie skates by]
Stewie: Look at me. I'm nudes on ice.

Funny Family Guy Quotes
[Stewie picking his nose.]
Stewie: Do I not disgust you?
Brian: Kid you're looking at someone who uses his tongue to clean his privates.

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Meg: Mom, you can't get a job. The last time you left Dad alone in the house he turned it into a giant puppet.
[Scene switches to Peter yelling in a megaphone while moving the roof of the house up and down]
Peter: Hey. Hey. Stay out of here. Hey. You better not come in here. I'm the Griffin's house. Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry.

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Chris: Hi, my name is Chris. Mom and dad said that I'm supposed to be on my best behavior tonight and not say "poop". Oh God. What have I done?

Funny Family Guy Quotes
UPS Woman: Package for Mr. Glen Quagmire.
Quagmire: Thank you.
[walks inside with it, returns naked]
Quagmire: And I've got a package for you. Oh yeah.
[she maces him]
Quagmire: Heh he. I've developed immunity to that stuff.

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Brian: Why don't you shut up for about a week?
Stewie: Very well, what are the stakes if I win?
Brian: I wasn't making a bet. Why don't you just shut up for about a week?

Funny Family Guy Quotes
[Peter and Brian have just jumped their car off a flatbed truck like The Dukes of Hazzard]
Peter: Oh, man. That was great. Hey, maybe next time we can get Meg to be Boss Hogg and Chris can be Anus.
Brian: Enis.
Peter: What'd I say?
Brian: Anus.
[Peter laughs hysterically]

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Cleveland: Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protestors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate.

Funny Family Guy Quotes
Cleveland: You can stay with us, Meg, I just hope you don't mind that my uncle died in the guest bedroom.
Meg: I guess that's OK.
[opens the bedroom, a dead body is lying on the bed]
Cleveland: We think he died some time between the Tonight Show and the Today Show.

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3