Peter Griffin: Family Guy Quotes

Anybody who is a true fan of Family Guy needs no introduction of Peter Griffin. Family Guy quotes would be quite boring if we did not have the funny lines from Peter Griffin. So enjoy a collection of quotes from Peter Griffin.

• [Peter and Brian are touring the Pawtucket Brewery]
  Peter: Wow, it's like I died and went to heaven, then God realized it wasn't my time yet, so He sent me back to a brewery.
  
  
• [observing Brian at a dog race]
  Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh my god. He's violating Sea Breeze.
  Peter: No, he's just awkwardly positioning himself... OK, NOW he's violating Sea Breeze.
  
  
• [at a dog show]
  Peter: Brian, come. Hey, don't you walk out on me!
  [aware that the audience is watching]
  Peter: Uh, heh. Uh, I now command you to leave. Yep. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah, flip me off. Good boy. Heh heh, heh heh.
  
  
• Meg: I finally get my driver's license and the car gets taken away, how ironic.
  Peter: Meg, don't talk to your mother that way, she is not an iron.
  
  
• Chris: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
  Peter: Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
  
  
• Peter: We love the Bible in this house.
  Francis Griffin: Really. What's your favorite book of the Bible?
  Peter: Uhhhhh... the book where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
  
  
• [Death holds up Peter's death certificate]
  Peter: Where did you get that?
  Death: It was e-mailed to me by your HMO.
  
  
• [Peter is ordering from a fast food restaurant]
  Peter: Yeah, I'd like 6,000 chicken fajitas, please? Yeah, 6,000 chicken fajitas.
  Brian: And a supersized McBiscuit, please?
  
  
• Peter: Brian should be allowed to see his puppies.
  Carter Pewterschmidt: Peter, Think about what you are doing.
  Peter: I am, Your honor Brian will be a great dad. Hell if I were half the parent Brian is, I'd know that Chris' favorite ice cream is...
  Brian: Chocolate Chip.
  Peter: and Stewie's favorite bedtime story is...
  Brian: Good Night Moon.
  Peter: and Meg's real father's name is...
  Brian: Stan Thompson.
  
  
• Peter: Just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2, I've got diplomatic immunity, so Hammer, you can't sue.