Peter and Lois

For those who cannot get enough of Peter and Lois from Family Guy, here is another page of funny conversations.

• [Peter has had plastic surgery]
  Lois: Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head?
  Peter: Maybe I will, and then I'll put it on my feet and stand on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks.
  Lois: That doesn't make any sense.
  Peter: It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful.
  
  
• Chris: Hey, mom, look at these bananas.
  Peter: Why you smart little bastard.
  Lois: Now Chris, these are called "plantains". In fact, most women prefer them to normal size bananas because they're exotic and flavorful.
  Peter: Yeah, Lois, I see all the sorority girls clamoring for the plantain section.
  
  
• [Peter has bought an sexy version of a relationship tape]
  Lois: $49.95? Are you sure we can afford this?
  Peter: Lois, our relationship can not be measured in nipples and dimes... nickels and boobs... money.
  [runs off]
  
  
• Peter: Gee, Lois, I hope that you don't do something stupid like buying that time share or realizing that your husband taped over our wedding video with soft-core cable porn.
  Lois: You taped over our wedding video?
  Peter: Just the boring stuff.
  
  
• Lois: Meg... is that a real Prada bag? How did you make $1100 as a waitress in a week?
  Meg: It's easy... when you're the unwed teenage mother of a crack-addicted baby. Ha ha ha ha...
  Peter: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Meg. When did you become a teenager?
  Lois: Peter, she's sixteen.
  Peter: You knew about this?
  
  
• [watching a news report on TV]
  Lois: Oh my god. He's going to wipe that species off the face of the earth.
  Peter: Nah, the janitor will take care of that.
  
  
• Lois: Peter, you're drunk again.
  Peter: No, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking.
  
  
• Lois: This can be a great opportunity for you and Stewie to bond.
  Peter: Bond... James Bond. I'll do it.