- Lois: My therapist said we should try a trick called "role reversal", it's where you pretend to be the person who makes you angry. Don't listen to your mother, kids. She's stupid and worthless and you should only listen to me, Peter.
Peter: I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales but I won't let Peter buy anything he likes like that neon beer sign with the chick who had two mugs for jugs. It was only $8 and we had a dozen places to put it.
Stewie: I'm the dog. I'm well read and have a diverse stock portfolio. But I'm not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the rug.
Brian: I'm a pompous little antichrist who will abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and wind up settling with a rough trick named Jim.
- (Family is trying to hide from mobsters.)
Peter: Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... arguments...
(Meanwhile, in England.)
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?
Jeremy: Why yes, I daresay it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him.
(They drive up.)
Englishman: Oh Reginald... I disagree.
(drives off)
- (Chris is talking to Stewie. It's Christmas)
Chris: Here, it's a Candy-cane. But don't stick it up your nose, it burns like hell.
- (A social worker is trying to take Stewie away because she believes the Griffin parents are unfit)
Lois: How dare you say that? This is a wonderful home for a child to live.
(a gunshot is heard from the roof)
Peter: Quagmire, you rat bastard. Come near my fence again and that'll be your head.
- Chris: Mom, can I be excused from the table? Stewie is gonna help me with my math homework.
Lois: Honey, don't be silly. He's only a baby.
Stewie: Right, and you are a regular Rhodes Scholar yourself. Where did you graduate from? The University of Duuuhh?
- Cleveland: That tickles me in a way where, if Loretta were to tickle me that way, I'd say, "Oh... yeah, that's it... that's the spot."
It is almost as though these quotes from the Family Guy hit the right nerve (or should I say 'funny bone') every time. Here is yet another dose of rib tickling funny quotes from the Family Guy.
Readers Respond: Take a Quote, Modify It, and Make it Funny, or Silly
Famous Quotes From "Family Guy" Characters
"Family Guy" Quotes From Peter Griffin"Family Guy" Quotes From Stewie GriffinMore of Stewie Quotes: "Family Guy"
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