Quotes: Family Guy

If you are fond of funny quotes, by now, you may have come across several funny quotes. Family Guy, I believe has a collection of quotes which are quite different from the others. They are impudent; but they do leave you smiling.

Quotes Family Guy
Brian: Look at you. You spent all that time making Chris jealous and now you have an eating disorder.
Stewie: Help me up.
Brian: I would but my doctor advised me against heavy lifting.

Quotes Family Guy
Glen Quagmire: Baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.

Quotes Family Guy
Chris: I never knew anyone who went crazy before, except for my invisible friend, Col. Schwartz.

Quotes Family Guy
Meg: Dad, if I don't get my driver's license, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married and I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg... are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?

Quotes Family Guy
Meg: I can't stay in Chris's room the whole week. It smells like bad milk.
Chris: Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up.

Quotes Family Guy
[watching a porno that was accidentally taped over]
Narrator: The Statue Of Liberty, originally...
Glen Quagmire: Oh no. What do we do? What do we do?
Peter: We'll drink till she's hot.

Quotes Family Guy
Glen Quagmire: Who wants to play drink the beer?
Peter: Right here.
[drinks beer]
Peter: What do I win?
Glen Quagmire: Another beer.
Peter: I'm going for the high score.
Glen Quagmire: Actually, Charlie's got the high score.
Charlie: Hey, your clock won't flush.

Quotes Family Guy
[the cable television transmitter was knocked out]
Tom Tucker: Diane, that last report was so good, you deserve a spanking.
Diane Simmons: Oh, Tom... I don't think your wife would like that.
Tom Tucker: My wife is a bitter old hag, she's in Quahog and cant hear a word we're saying.
Director: Uh, guys, we're back on in Quahog.

Quotes Family Guy
Brian: The ol' alma matter. I tell you, there's something magical about Brown.
Chris: Brown's the color of poo. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
Lois: Oh my god. You can only play the piano when you're drunk.
Peter: That's not true. I can also vomit, fall over, and make dirty calls to your sister.

Quotes Family Guy
Chris: Cheesy Charlie's is great. They have a game where you put in a dollar and you get four quarters. I win every time.

Quotes Family Guy
Peter: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter: $60.
Brian: [to the store owner] He doesn't know how to haggle.

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3