Miranda's just gotten braces...
Miranda: This is what happens to tongue thrusters. I have to wear them for a year. Am I hideous?
Carrie: No. Hey... no. No, they don't look so bad.
Miranda: Really? You mean it?
Carrie: That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Samantha: Are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you.
Miranda: I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces and I'm on a liquid diet -- pain doesn't begin to cover it.
Charlotte: You broke up with an ophthalmologist over that?
Miranda: Orgasm -- major thing in a relationship.
Charlotte: Yah, but not the only thing. Orgasms don't send you Valentine's Day cards and they don't hold your hand in a sad movie.
Carrie: Mine do.
Miranda: You're seriously advocating faking?
Charlotte: No, but if you really like the guy what's one little moment of ooh-ooh versus spending the whole night in bed alone?
Miranda: These are my options?
Charlotte: And who's to say that one moment is any more important than when he gets up and pours you a cup of coffee in the morning? Let's go! <bounds off>
Miranda: I'll take an orgasm over a cup of French-drip Colombian any day.
Carrie: See, for me, it's a toss-up.
Miranda: Just when exactly do you think you're gonna be getting out of this hostage situation?
Charlotte: Miranda...
Miranda: What? Am I wrong?
Charlotte: Don't listen to her, Carrie, it's only been a month. It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
Charlotte: It's the break-up rule -- you and Big only went out for a year so that means that she's got five more months to get over him.
Samantha has hopes for "The Turtle"...
Samantha: Once we get the breath under control, I'm gonna take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. He's a cute little fixer-upper.
Carrie: Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone.
Samantha: Honey, when I'm through with him, he'll be Gracie Mansion.
<the door buzzer sounds as the girls play poker... >
Miranda: Oh, it's Skipper. I told him I was here. He insisted on picking me up -- but he's not supposed to be here till eleven.
Carrie: Aw, he's like a sweet little seal pup.
Miranda: Which you sometimes wanna club.
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