Stewie: Family Guy Quotes

Stewie Griffin is a little diapered baby of the Family Guy, who is quite the show stealer. Nobody can shock you out of your skin as much as Stewie. Family Guy quotes are resplendent with cutting retorts from Stewie. Read on.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[watching cheerleaders change in a locker room]
Stewie: It appears my wee-wee's been stricken with rigor mortis.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you."

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Make sure there's a fresh copy of Wall Street Journal next to the changing table.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[The Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on.]
Stewie: You. Cut my eggs.
[waiter cuts his eggs]

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Meg: Mom, guess what, I made Flag Girl squad!
Stewie: Flag Girl? Um yes good for you. Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: So, what do you think of this "Music Television?"
Stewie: I say mother, this hotdog has been on my plate a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: I love God. He's so deliciously evil.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Guy in Chicken Suit: Enjoy your chicken sandwich.
Stewie: Enjoy your studio apartment.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewie: Careful. It's 'gently rub the scalp', not 'scrub like you're trying to get the vomit out of a Christmas dress', you stupid holiday drunk.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Meg: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
[While trying to potty-train Stewie]
Peter: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.

Stewie: Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a dubey and watch porn.
Peter: Rea... Really?

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3