The Family Guy Quotes

What makes the Family Guy quotes different from other animated funny tele serials? Well, for one, they are absurd. And also, they attack our sensibilities in a way that we have to shed our dogmatic outlook. Are you curious to find out why? Read the Family Guy quotes to know more.

The Family Guy Quotes
Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg: No.
Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.

The Family Guy Quotes
Lois: Peter, where's Chris?
Chris: I love you She Hulk.
Security Guard: All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back.
Chris: I... I don't have any hams.
Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son.
Chris: I need an adult. I need an adult.
Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid. Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.

The Family Guy Quotes
Glen Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8... and home by 11.

The Family Guy Quotes
Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Glen Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Glen Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Glen Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Glen Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

The Family Guy Quotes
Pool Boy: I'm sorry sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.
Lois: This is my son.
Pool Boy: Oh, my apologies. Hey, Tom. He's not a van, he's just a fat kid.

The Family Guy Quotes
Tom Tucker: Now let's go to Greg The Weather Mime. OK... it's going to be cold... lots of wind... and it looks like parents are going to throw human fecal matter from the rooftops onto their children... oh, GOD. That's awful. No wait, it looks like rain. Yes, rain.

The Family Guy Quotes
[Peter makes a joke during a Christmas play]
Spectator #1: Oh my God. I'm so offended. I'm going to do something about this.
Spectator #2: Mike, there's not really anything you can do.
Spectator #1: Wow, you're right. I guess I'm just going to have to develop a sense of humor, huh?

The Family Guy Quotes
Bad Cockroach: Man, I'm going to cut you up so bad, that you... you gonna wish I didn't cut you up so bad.

The Family Guy Quotes
Brian: She's a whiney little runt isn't she?
[Lois gasps]
Brian: What? I said runt.

The Family Guy Quotes
Glen Quagmire: Don't look at me like that. Fat chicks need love too... but they got to pay.

The Family Guy Quotes
[looking at whales]
Chris: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3