Why does Santa Claus enter a house through a sooty fireplace? Why can he not simply knock at the door? The magic of Christmas, perhaps, lies in the mystery of Santa Claus. If you love Santa Claus, you will love these funny Santa quotes. But remember, some of these quotes have wicked humor and you may just land yourself on Santa's naughty list.
- Lee Lauer
One of the problems we have in this country is that too many adults believe in Santa Claus, and too many children don't.
- Jack Handy
If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.
- Samuel Butler
Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
- James Gould
A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset.
- Robert Paul
You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
- Arlo Guthrie
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
- Bernard Manning
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
- Tom Armstrong
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
- George Carlin
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.