Alan Partridge Quotes

Here Is a Rather Bizarre Collection of Alan Partridge Quotes

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Here is my first collection of Alan Partridge quotes. For those accustomed to American humor, it presents a rather bizarre genre of humor.

I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said how do I look? Would you say go and take that blushed off you mis-shapened elephant tranny or would you say you look nice... John.
I thought you were sexy, I don't now you're a bloke! I have a good mind to knock your block off!
I'd love to get my hands on the bastard. Or bitch, might be a lady.
If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plow the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.
I'm sorry, that was just a noise.
In fact, you know, the best thing I ever did was get thrown out by my wife! She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot.
In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve.
I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. But a happy one.
Kiss my face.
Lynn I'm not coming to your baptist church! They always get people when they're down.

Simran Khurana
Quotations Guide