Groucho Marx Quotes

"A Night at the Opera"
When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

"A Night at the Opera"
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

"A Night at the Opera"
Of course you know this means war!

"A Night at the Opera"
Room service? Send up a larger room.

"A Night at the Opera"
Why did I sit with her? Because she reminds me of you, that why I'm here with you, because you remind me of you… your eyes, your throat, your lips, everything about you reminds me of you... except you. How do you account for that?

"Duck Soup"
Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

"Duck Soup"
Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

"Duck Soup"
I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows till you came home.

"Duck Soup"
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

"Duck Soup"
Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you.

"Duck Soup"
I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

"Duck Soup"
A four-year-old child could understand that. Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail out of it.

"Duck Soup"
I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own.

"Duck Soup"
You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in here thinking what a sucker you are.

"Duck Soup"
(Talking about Margaret Dumont as Teasdale) Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did!

"Duck Soup"
You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

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