Seinfeld Quotes

Jerry Seinfeld was a comedian par excellence. "Seinfeld," the show co-produced by Larry David helped him soar to new heights. The show ran successfully from 1989 to 1998. NBC offered Jerry Seinfeld $5 million per episode for another season. But Seinfeld politely declined. These Seinfeld quotes bear testimony to his contribution to the world of humor.

"I can't go to a bad movie by myself! What am I gonna do? Make sarcastic remarks to strangers?"


"I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it; can't eat it; can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, "Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.""


"The Chalk Outline guy's got a good job. Not too dangerous -- the criminals are long gone. I guess these are people who wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn't draw very well. "Uh, listen, Jon, forget the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body right there on the sidewalk you could manage to trace around it?" How does that help them solve the crime? They look at the thing on the ground, "Oh, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement. The killer must have been... Jim.""


"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."


[on birthdays] "I'm really enjoying this. Could this be a weekly series?"


"You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?" "Oh, about 20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get off work?" "Around 3 miles.""


"I always did well on the essay questions -- just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it."


"People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to."