Wacky Lines From the Famous Simpsons: Quotes

The Simpsons grabs your attention with their razor sharp wit, wacky quotes and absurd ideas. If you have not yet watched the Simpsons show, these famous Simpsons quotes will give you a flavor of the real show.

Inspiration: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
If you really need money, you can sell your kidney or even your car.

Weird Humor: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
We played Dungeons and Dragons for three hours! Then I was slain by an elf.

Wise Cracks: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
This is the darkest day in the history of Springfield. If anybody wants me I'll be in the shower.

Food: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close!

Insults: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.

Insults: Grampa Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Looking at that tired old freak has made me realize I'm no spring chicken myself. I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder...wait, that's my hand.

Insults: Grampa Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
When I was young toys were built to last. Look at this junk! It breaks the first time you take it out of the box. And look at these toy soldiers. They'll break the second I step on 'em. Arg! Stupid! Toy! Soldiers! Break, you stupid!

Insults: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Ahh! The old fishing hole... so peaceful and relaxing. Doesn't even matter if I catch a single fish -- ah! Come on you stupid fish, take the bait! Don't make me come down there!

Opinions: Grampa Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

Opinions: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Bart, with ten thousand dollars we'd be millionaires. We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!

Opinions: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Parenting: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.

Relationships: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Oh no, you are not getting me on that dance floor. Don't try and make me. Otherwise, God help me, I'll give you that divorce.

Religion: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Religion: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!

Religion: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Sex: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
It's just that I've only seen this movie twice before and I've seen you every night for the last eleven ye... aha. What I mean to say is... We'll snuggle tomorrow, sweetie. I promise.

Television: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TV guides... so many memories...

Weird Humor: Homer Simpson: Famous Simpsons Quotes
To start press any key. (reading screen) Where's the "any" key? I see Esc, Catarl, and Pig Up. There doesn't seem to be any "any" key. Wo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a Tab. (presses TAB key).