Simply Silly: Funny Simpsons Quotes

Here are some rib-tickling funny Simpsons quotes. You will find a huge collection of insults and crazy humor here.

Insults: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
I don't mind being called a liar when I am lying, when I am about to lie or just finished lying... but not when I am telling the truth.

Parenting: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word.

Relationships: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.

Relationships: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

Relationships: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Come family! Sit in the snow with daddy and let us all bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow.

Spirituality: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Dear Lord, the Gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... Thy will be done. (chomp, chomp, chomp)

Television: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.

Weird Humor: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman... and I have no interest in that; besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing!

Weird Humor: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Work: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me... friends, co-workers, Tibor. I never thought it'd be my own wife.

Work: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
Come on, honey. You work yourself stupid for this family. If anyone deserves to be wrapped up in seaweed and buried in mud, it's you.

Work: Homer Simpson: Funny Simpsons Quotes
You heard me; I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you! My baby beat me up! No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.