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Funny Quotes and Sayings

Memorable Funny Quotes and Sayings


All of us want to be funny, but few manage to create ripples of laughter. If you find it difficult to get others to laugh, get smart and quote funny authors. Given below are some funny quotes and sayings that are sure to make an impact on your listeners.

Peter De Vries
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Nicholas Chamfort
An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

Jilly Cooper
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

Zig Ziglar
Little men with little minds and little imaginations go through life in little ruts, smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.

Dennis Miller
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.

Friedrich Nietzsche
Character is determined more by the lack of certain experiences than by those one has had.

Maurice Chevalier
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.

David Frost
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

Ellen DeGeneres
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

William Clayton
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

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