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Funny Quotations

Funny Quotations for Smart People

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Read humor at its finest. These are funny quotations from leading personalities, writers, actors, and other creative minds. Enjoy them.

Woody Allen
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Doug Larson
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

E. B. White
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.

Friedrich Nietzsche
A subject for a great poet would be God's boredom after the seventh day of creation.

Groucho Marx
Those are my principals, if you don't like them… I have others.

Elsa Schiaparelli
Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.

Dan Spencer
On cable TV they have a weather channel -- 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.

Friedrich Nietzsche
A letter is an unannounced visit, the postman the agent of rude surprises. One ought to reserve an hour a week for receiving letters and afterwards take a bath.

Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Bill Vaughan
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

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