Humorous Quotations

Humor has been around since time immemorial. In the good old days, court jesters used it to entertain their princely audiences. Nowadays, politicians use humor to hit out at their opponents. Humor works best when you want to make a sharp point without sounding rude. If you want to use this double-edged sword to make an impact on someone, read these humorous quotations.

Jack Handey
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Nick Arnette
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them, 'I have it at home in my spare wallet.'

Cecil Beaton
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore.

Casey Stengel
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Steven Wright
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

W. C. Fields
'T was a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.

Paul Ehrlich
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Friedrich Nietzsche
Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.

Anonymous
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.