Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them, 'I have it at home in my spare wallet.'
Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore.
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
W. C. Fields
'T was a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.