Rodney Dangerfield had captured the minds of his audience with his ribald, in-your-face humor. Read some of the best funny one liners by Rodney Dangerfield on this page.
- Family
My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
- General Humor
People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon...
- Childhood
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor, I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
- Age
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
- General Humor
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
- Funny Incidents
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
- Life
I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "
- General Humor
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
- Childhood
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
- Doctors
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
- Sex
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
- Age
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.
- Self
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
- Wife
My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.
- Wife
One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
- Self
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
- Funny Incidents
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
- Doctors
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
- Wife
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
- Family
My cousin is gay; he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
- Self
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."
