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George Carlin Religion Quotes

The Relation Between Christ and Carlin

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George Carlin must have been God's favorite child. How else would someone who officially denounced God and religion get away with a lot of luck, fame (and fortune!)? Carlin's views on religion may not go down well with the Papal office but he surely gained ground with his fans. His shocking irreverence seems outrageous to some, funny to others. Here are some of George Carlin quotes on religion. Be warned, George Carlin's views on religion may affect the sensibilities of some people.

  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  • I have as much authority as the Pope; I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  • I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.

  • I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

  • I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

  • A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'm messed up out of my mind on Jeeesus Chriiist.

  • Keep thy religion to thyself.

  • I've begun worshiping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.

  • Religion is just mind control.

  • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  • The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

  • This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.

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