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George Carlin Sayings

George Carlin Sayings Challenge Common Sense


Read these George Carlin sayings with a straight face. I challenge you to try and best not to laugh; not even a smirk. Quite likely, you would be smiling after reading the second saying, smirking at the third one and doubling up in laughter by the time you reach the fourth George Carlin saying. It is tough to keep a straight face with George Carlin's sayings. He attacks common sense with a vengeance.

  • "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

  • Always do whatever's next.

  • By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

  • Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

  • Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

  • Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

  • I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

  • In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

  • Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

  • Life... is a series of dogs.

  • May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

  • Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  • Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

  • The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

  • Think off-center.

  • When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

  • When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

  • The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

  • Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

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