Quotes From George Carlin

George Carlin's humor is outlandish. He teases your brain to work harder, pulls you out of your 'safety zone' and encourages you to dare. In a way, George Carlin's witty quotes inspire you to explore new horizons and come out of your self-imposed mental exile. Set your mind free with these witty quotes from George Carlin.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?