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Humorous Thanksgiving Quotes

Reduce Your Holiday Stress With These Humorous Thanksgiving Quotes


Read some humorous thanksgiving quotes. These quotes will hopefully reduce some of the holiday stress.

Mark Twain
Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for -- annually, not oftener -- if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments.

John Baillie
The very fact that a man is thankful implies someone to be thankful to.

Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Rita Rudner
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Ellen Orleans
I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

Charles Lamb
Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.

Irv Kupcine
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

Arnold Schwarzenegger
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

Kevin James
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.

Mike Connolly
Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.

P. J. O'Rourke
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

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