But what is a holiday without humor? With funny stories, jokes and quotes, you can make Thanksgiving a great stress-buster. Forget your worries for a day. It is time to let your hair down and make the most of life. Bring your own barrel of laughs at the table. Here are some funny happy Thanksgiving quotes.
- Todd Barry
I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.
- Jack Handey
If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, ‘Boy, these are good cigars!’
- Bob Smith
It wasn't easy telling my family that I'm gay. I made my carefully worded announcement at Thanksgiving. It was very Norman Rockwell. I said, Mom, would you please pass the gravy to a homosexual? She passed it to my father. A terrible scene followed.
- Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
- Michael Dresser
Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.
- Robert Caspar Lintner
Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day.
- Jay Leno
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, 'Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.'
- Ted Allen
The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up.
- Dylan Brody
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, "Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave."
- Stephen Evans
Thanksgiving is nothing but a toast to genocide.
- Merle Shain
The act is unjustifiable that either begs for a blessing, or, having succeeded gives no thanksgiving.
- O. Henry
There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.