Richard Hayden
- You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!
- I think your brain has a thick candy shell.
- We don't take no for an answer.
- You have a window. And why shouldn't you? You've been here 10 minutes.
- Try an association. Like uh... let's say the average person uses 10% of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.
- I'm gonna go get directions to our next huge embarrassing failure.
- Ok, here is Tommy, he's gonna help me with my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking and he's never been laid.
- Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing... I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road. I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE EMBANKMENT.
- Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed... I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
- Uuuuuuh! I killed it. I killed my sale. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead, Helen, am I right?
- I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that was... awesome. But sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.
- They were closed. How could you be reading documents when they're in your briefcase? Hmm, that's a mystery. Richard, were you watching spanktrovision?
