Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin

You may find these Family Guy quotes really funny. Or downright sacrilegious. Be warned about these Family Guy quotes. Stewie Griffin is not your stereotypical child. In fact, of all the Family Guy quotes, Stewie Griffin's quotes are quite shocking.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: [To ticket agent] Now look here...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie: Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Isn't it funny how they say "life is like a box of chocolates"? Well in your case, dear mother, life is like a box of active grenades!

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: OK, Harold, what do you think of our Mad Lib?
[clears throat]
Stewie: Cinderella had two step-'watermelons', who were very 'smelly' to her. So her fair god'toilet' turned her pumkin into a big 'fanny', and dragged her off to the 'poop'.
[short laugh]
Stewie: Oh, how ruthlessly absurd.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Oh, forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
Stewie: Ha ha. Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening.

Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin
[while Peter is changing Stewie]
Stewie: No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhh! Take that.

Also read other Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3