Family Guy Quotes - Stewie Griffin

You may find these Family Guy quotes really funny; or downright sacrilegious. Stewie Griffin is not your stereotypical child. In fact, of all the Family Guy quotes, Stewie Griffin's quotes are most shocking.

• Stewie: Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb.
  
  
• Stewie: The breakfast thing. Yes. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I don't... I have no problem... it's just there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much I want to "kill" her. It's just I want her not to be alive anymore. Uh... I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God! Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?"
  
  
• Stewie: No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
  
  
• Stewie: [To ticket agent] Now look here...
  [looks at agent's name tag]
  Stewie: Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.
  
  
• Stewie: [After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers.
  
  
• Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight.
  
  
• Stewie: Isn't it funny how they say "life is like a box of chocolates"? Well in your case, dear mother, life is like a box of active grenades!
  
  
• Stewie: OK, Harold, what do you think of our Mad Lib?
  [clears throat]
  Stewie: Cinderella had two step-'watermelons', who were very 'smelly' to her. So her fair god'toilet' turned her pumkin into a big 'fanny', and dragged her off to the 'poop'.
  [short laugh]
  Stewie: Oh, how ruthlessly absurd.
  
  
• Stewie: Oh, forgive me for not being one of those anorexic babies from the diaper commercials.
  
  
• Stewie: Ha ha. Oh, this is so good it just HAS to be fattening.
  
  
• [while Peter is changing Stewie]
  Stewie: No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhh! Take that.