Family Guy Quotations

When you read Family Guy quotations, you will either love them or hate them. But you have to agree – Family Guy quotations can make you sit up and take notice. If you are a movie quotes fan, here is a volley of hilarious Family Guy quotations. Read and enjoy!

Family Guy Quotations
Brian: Peter, only one gift was for charity the rest where for the family.
Peter: No the rest were FROM the family... weren't they? Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of for to from?
Brian: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card but it said 'For Peter' on it so you must have thought it was FROM you, so you didn't uh, you know it's just easier to call you stupid.

Family Guy Quotations
Chris: Hey dad, look. I put honey on my back, and now the ants are carrying me home.
[laughing]
Peter: Aw, that's nothing. He does the same thing at home, but with Velveeta and cockroaches. And if ya turn on the lights really fast, they'll slam him right into the fridge.

Family Guy Quotations
[On being President of the tobacco company]
Peter: And they give us a lot of perks, too.
Ugly Girl: (to Meg) Hi.
Meg: Who are you?
Ugly Girl: I'm the ugly girl sent to stand next to you to make you more desirable.

Family Guy Quotations
Death: You can't tell anyone that I'm here. For, if you do, the consequences could be dire.
Peter: Go on...
Death: That's it.
[to Lois]
Death: God, what do you see in him?

Family Guy Quotations
Meg: How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap at my slumber party tonight.
Lois: Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
Stewie: Yes. How delightful it will be. A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling on about boys and music and jellybeans and stickers.

Family Guy Quotations
Boy Scout leader: Chris you have three days to earn a merit badge or you are out of the scouts.
Peter: Three days... that's tomorrow!

Family Guy Quotations
[Bear is standing in front of Peter and Chris]
Chris: Dad I know what to do! I saw NBC's 'When Bears Attack'. GO AWAY. You are not wanted, go on... scat. Stay tuned for all new Ally Mcbeal...

Family Guy Quotations
Brian: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Family Guy Quotations
[Brian and Peter are putting a crib together.]
Brian: Okay, insert rod support A into slot B.
Peter: That's what...
Brian: If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you.

Family Guy Quotations
Lois: Brian, could you pass the TV Guide?
Brian: Piss off.
Lois: What?
Brian: Oh, I'm just a little testy because of the lack of... STOP STARING AT MY TAIL.

More of Family Guy Quotes:
• Introductory Page
• Evergreen Family Guy Quotes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
• Your Affable Stewie Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4
• Funny ol' Peter Griffin – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
• Funny Conversations – Lois And Stewie, Lois and Peter - 1, Lois and Peter - 2, Lois and Peter - 3