Family Guy Quotations

When you read Family Guy quotations, you will either love them or hate them. If you are a movie quotes fan, here is a volley of hilarious Family Guy quotations.

• Brian: Peter, only one gift was for charity the rest where for the family.
  Peter: No the rest were from the family... weren't they? Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of for to from?
  Brian: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
  Peter: Why wasn't I told?
  Brian: They sent you a card but it said 'For Peter' on it so you must have thought it was from you, so you didn't uh, you know it's just easier to call you stupid.
  
  
• Chris: Hey dad, look. I put honey on my back, and now the ants are carrying me home.
  [laughing]
  Peter: Aw, that's nothing. He does the same thing at home, but with Velveeta and cockroaches. And if ya turn on the lights really fast, they'll slam him right into the fridge.
  
  
• [On being President of the tobacco company]
  Peter: And they give us a lot of perks, too.
  Ugly Girl: (to Meg) Hi.
  Meg: Who are you?
  Ugly Girl: I'm the ugly girl sent to stand next to you to make you more desirable.
  
  
• Death: You can't tell anyone that I'm here. For, if you do, the consequences could be dire.
  Peter: Go on...
  Death: That's it.
  [to Lois]
  Death: God, what do you see in him?
  
  
• Meg: How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap at my slumber party tonight.
  Lois: Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
  Stewie: Yes. How delightful it will be. A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling on about boys and music and jellybeans and stickers.
  
  
• Boy Scout leader: Chris you have three days to earn a merit badge or you are out of the scouts.
  Peter: Three days... that's tomorrow!
  
  
• [Bear is standing in front of Peter and Chris]
  Chris: Dad I know what to do! I saw NBC's 'When Bears Attack'. Go away. You are not wanted, go on... scat. Stay tuned for all new Ally Mcbeal...
  
  
• Brian: Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
  
  
• [Brian and Peter are putting a crib together.]
  Brian: Okay, insert rod support A into slot B.
  Peter: That's what...
  Brian: If you say "that's what she said" one more time, I am gonna pop you.
  
  
• Lois: Brian, could you pass the TV Guide?
  Brian: Piss off.
  Lois: What?
  Brian: Oh, I'm just a little testy because of the lack of... Stop staring at my tail.