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Funny Good Morning Quotes

Funny Good Morning Quotes to Bring a Smile to Your Face

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The alarm goes off. You put it on snooze, trying to grab some shut-eye for the last time. And then you wake up with a start, as you realize that you are already late for work. Does this scenario sound familiar?

Many of us wake up every day with a grudge. We sleepwalk through the morning routine of bath and breakfast. Even after getting fully dressed, we look longingly at the bed.

The funny thing is that when we have to rise early for a camping trip, we wake up with a bout of energy and enthusiasm. Where does the morning slack disappear?

Do you feel dopey and woozy, and can't open your eyelids before your morning dose of caffeine? Read these funny good morning quotes and start your day with smiles and giggles instead. A hearty laugh can fill you up with enough endorphin to recharge you.
  • Winston Churchill
    I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  • Robert Frost
    The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

  • William Feather
    Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

  • Steven Wright
    I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

  • Bob Dole
    You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.

  • Dale Earnhardt
    I woke up this morning, and I still don’t believe I won the Daytona 500.

  • Henry David Thoreau
    There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

  • Groucho Marx
    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

  • Benjamin Franklin
    I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.

  • Will Rogers
    The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How is the president?”

  • Mitch Hedberg
    I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

  • Steven Wright
    When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, “Did you sleep good?” I said “No, I made a few mistakes.”

  • Bill Gates
    Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.

  • Henry David Thoreau
    I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls.

  • Rodney Dangerfield
    My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  • Rodney Dangerfield
    This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

  • Colin Powell
    It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.

  • Jack LaLanne
    Probably millions of Americans got up this morning with a cup of coffee, a cigarette and a donut. No wonder they are sick and fouled up.

  • Jack LaLanne
    Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning for a cup of coffee and a donut?

  • Frank Sinatra
    I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

  • Lyndon B. Johnson
    If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: “President Can’t Swim.”

  • Jim Carrey
    That’s the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they’d be like, ‘Yeah, big deal. I’d eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you’re pulling down.’

  • Ray Bradbury
    Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.

  • Jeff Foxworthy
    My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.

  • Gabriel Garcia Marquez
    The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.

  • Ozzy Osbourne
    Somebody said to me this morning, ‘To what do you attribute your longevity?’ I don’t know. I mean, I couldn’t have planned my life out better. By all accounts I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through: the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I’ve lived the last 30 years!

  • Seth MacFarlane
    Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.

  • Zora Neale Hurston
    It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.

  • Mick Jagger
    You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’ And you do.

  • Carl Sandburg
    In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.

  • Emo Philips
    When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.

  • Bob Dole
    You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.

  • Michael J. Fox
    I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

  • Rose Kennedy
    Make sure you never, never argue at night. You just lose a good night’s sleep, and you can’t settle anything until morning anyway.

  • Honore de Balzac
    A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.

  • Robert Orben
    Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

  • Richard Widmark
    John Ford was so funny that I couldn’t wait to go to work in the morning.

  • Tom Brady
    Sometimes, getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth is the hardest part of the day – it all just hurts.

  • Paul Newman
    You can’t be as old as I am without waking up with a surprised look on your face every morning: ‘Holy Christ, whaddya know – I’m still around!’ It’s absolutely amazing that I survived all the booze and smoking and the cars and the career.

  • Jack Henry Abbott
    One morning I woke up and was plunged into psychological shock. I had forgotten I was free.
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