Funniest "Simpsons" Quotes

What makes 'The Simpsons' the funniest show ever? The humor disparages all logic and discipline. It pokes fun at social systems and institutions. At times, we need to look at life's funny side. And that's what the Simpsons show really does. Read the funniest Simpsons quotes on this page.

Weird Humor: Ralph Wiggum
Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.

Weird Humor: Homer Simpson
And here I am using my own lungs like a fool! In the nursing home -- after seeing Lucky hooked up to a respirator.

Food: Homer Simpson
Marge, would you please tell Bart that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning?

Inspiration: Ralph Wiggum
When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.

Insults: Homer Simpson
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner!

Parenting: Homer Simpson
Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

Religion: Homer Simpson
Suppose we've chosen the wrong God. Every time we go to church we're just making Him madder and madder.

Stupidity: Homer Simpson
You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really on to something!

Weird Humor: Homer Simpson
I know you can read my thoughts, boy: Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.

Weird Humor: Mr. Burns
Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating... Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?

Wise Cracks: Homer Simpson
Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment... I would become a better public speaker.

Wise Cracks: Homer Simpson
And thank you most of all for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a single proven fatality, at least in this country.

Wise Cracks: Homer Simpson
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.