Baby Quote

New parents are full of stories about baby parenting. They go into lurid details on everything related to their lives as parents. Then, as if that is not enough, they start describing the birthing process in graphic detail. They just can't stop talking about the baby. Small as it is, it dominates every conversation that the new parents might have. That's how a baby can change your life. If the very thought of having a baby gives you cold feet, you will love every baby quote on this page. Each baby quote here is wickedly witty enough to make you laugh.

Leo J. Burke
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Douglas Feaver
I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

Dave Barry
If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should -- you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Kin Hubbard
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

Jean Kerr
Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Stephen Wright
Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'

Matt Groening
Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said 'sex is good'. All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.

Elizabeth Stone
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Stephen Wright
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

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