- I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.
- [hugging a stranger] I passed. I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward.
- God, you're gonna remember this for the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before.
- [talking like a toddler] Him too fwaid to get out, he's just a wittle guy.
- Apparently they give a lot fewer D-pluses than D-minuses. It's not a grade they like to give out.
- Oh, man, that's cold! I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor. And I'm dancing' like I've never danced before...
- R.T., I lost my virginity to your daughter, for crying out loud.
- Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.
- This is like a bad Twilight Zone. I think I'm growing a tumour.
Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.
These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.
Ted, send over a bottle of bubbly in a bucket of ice and a card. Have the card read, "Tough luck, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."
Oh, real good. Real good. I had a kidney removed last April, but I still have the other one.
Kid in Bank
Oh, yeah right. It was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.